Hiya Gaga, I think about you all the time jay,maybe it seems daft writing on this but I cant phone you or see you anymore to talk to you about things, but I wish to god I could.Every day I cry for you jay, I long to see your face again, I want to hold you but I know I cant and that tears me apart. I talk to you all the time not knowing if you can even hear me. I ask you every day to protect mum, dad, ya boys, ian and erin for me, and on shoot days I always ask you to go with dad and keep him safe, I know you will anyway if you can.Sorry if i ask too much of you at times but im so used to you been here and always been there for each other and now im on my own trying to hold our family together.Mum and Dad will never be the same people they were when you were here babs, I lost my whole family the day you were told by that prat, that the chemo hadnt worked. I sat and watched your little face and the fear engulf you my luv, I watched mum and dads world end in those spilt seconds, Iknew from that very moment my life was never going to be the same again and that I was going to lose the most special person in my life and there was nothing I could do to protect you from it.If id been given the chance jay I would have swopped places with you in a heart beat. Ive done everything that Ive wanted to do but your new life was just starting, being a single fella again, I know how heart broken you were jay when she left you but you never had the chance to recover from that because you began to fall poorly. You had a broken heart and then life chucked an even more horrific blow to you , WHY??????? All i wanted was for you to get better and start a new chapter in your life, just for you to feel happy and loved again, to meet someone special and to have the chance of being a daddy, oh god jay mc why did all this happen to you? I love you more than any words could ever say jay, Ive never felt so alone in all my life, yet I still have mum and dad , ian and erin and boys but theres this massive hole left in my heart and my life that was only ment for you babs my brother. All life long our thoughts and ways interweave and bind us.Whatever distance separates us, whatever circumstance divides us- We are family. However far away you are I sense your life, your smile, your kindness, your concern. Keep close to us all jay mc, and Thank you for being the BEST brother and BEST friend I could have ever wished for, Till we meet again I love you and always will do, your little sister winona xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx